Is Listening a Social Activity?
The quick answer is, yes. The more accurate answer is, it varies according to style.
David Brooks, writing “The Social Animal” in the January 17, 2011 issue of The New Yorker, says:
“There’s a debate in our culture about what really makes us happy… Research over the past thirty years makes it clear that what the inner mind really wants is connection…Joining a group that meets just once a month produces the same increase in happiness as doubling your income.”
That’s powerful affirmation for YPO, Vistage and TED groups for example.
So, if what the mind craves is connection, how do the four (4) listening habits provide it given the differences in the four habits?
Let’s begin at looking at how socialization varies for each of the four (4) habits.
Inner-Personal listeners want to know the relevance of the information to them. They listen to connect the information to what they know and are interested in. In a work setting, that listener will connect to the person who has something worthwhile, in his opinion, to say.
I often attend the Boulder/Denver NewTech Meetup, not because I know much about new technology, but because I’m fascinated by the creativity in the room. The assembled group is a perfect example Brook’s hypothesis. They meet once per month to a sold out registration, talk in code, ask probing questions, come early to talk in loud, excited voices, and linger afterwards. In another setting, these mostly Inner-Personal listeners, might not interact at all with others and would spend their time inside their heads thinking about their interests while others label them as non-social.
Extra-Personal listeners want to know the relevance of the information to others. They listen to connect the information to how it pertains to the needs of others. In a work setting, those listeners will share what they’ve learned with others. They can be teachers and mentors or gossips because for them, knowledge is a connection commodity.
My partner, an educator, is both a voracious learner and very social. He uses what he’s reading or experiencing in his interactions. I’m often amazed at the conversations he gets into with total strangers about subjects it’s hard to imagine they’re both interested in, but they do seem to find common ground.
Problem-Solving listeners want to know the relevance of the information to a problem they are thinking about or working on. They listen to connect the information to their pathway towards getting to a right solution.
I recently conducted a session with a group of predominantly Problem-Solving engineers. They began sitting alone, not interacting with one another or me, and with heads in gadgets. As soon as I posted the group results from Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio® and asked them to identify patterns and themes in their listening habits, they came alive. They moved closer to one another, pointed to the chart, asked one another and me questions, spoke up, and laughed at their similarity.
Conceptualizing listeners want to know how they can add ideas to what’s being presented. They listen to connect the information to everything and anything. Of the four habits, they are assumed to be the most social. Now we know that is not the case, but they make it easiest to detect. What they hear often gets translated into lots of new ideas that they just have to share.
They are the people who get others enthused about possibilities and options. I have a long-term friendship with a leader who was once on a team I coached. When he listens, he inevitably absorbs the information, generates ideas about how it can be used, and gathers others who want to come on board.
One problem I have with traditional Team Building activities is they are undifferentiated and assume one-size-will fit all.
If we accept David Brook’s research, then it’s important to allow people to work according to their varied social needs, and to listen for what has meaning to others.
Marian,
As usual, there is a plethora of things one could comment on in your blog. I so agree with you that conventional team building activities assume that one size can fit all and, of course, it does not. Those activities are often superficial and while they may entertain for a time, they don’t have lasting impact. My guess is that you have some team building activities that have more substance and I hope you will talk about that here.
The notion that being in a group that meets but once a month can increase one’s happiness as much as doubling one’s income is a relief to those of us who belong to such groups (for me that includes Boulder Media Women, The Colorado Independent Publishers Association, and a few others) and are starving artists. Way cool!
Melanie Mulhall
Melanie, thanks for your thoughtful ideas. I’m of two minds about team building: works, doesn’t work.
When it works it’s because it isn’t an event, but a process that happens over time, and is intentional. I’ve worked with teams for 6-12 months on Action Learning and have witnessed stunning results. Their success depends upon support and involvement from the top of the organization, carefully crafted stretch assignments, on-going coaching, and team education.
It’s unfortunate when it doesn’t work because it often builds cynicism and can cause team dysfunction.
Does my take match your experience?