Archive for June, 2011
Field Note—Reunion
I recently attended my Skidmore College reunion and one of the activities we have come to love is a session with Zelda Jacobson, a classmate and superb psychotherapist. She asks us to reflect on our lives in the present and starts off with a contemplative leading question that always engenders lots of responses.
I usually wear my “Listening” hat, thus I was drawn to observe the dynamics of the fifty six women in the room (Skidmore was still a women’s college when we attended). Let me share some of what I noticed:
- People who had strong voices in college still have a lot to say.
- The quality of the responses highly correlated to the quality of Zelda’s inquiries. That reinforced the need to include question-asking in all my work.
- When people went off track, it seemed that they were listening to themselves rather than to what was being said in the room.
- Most people have learned to take turns so the interactions had continuity with ideas building upon one another (other than the women mentioned in #3).
- We were seated auditorium-style instead of the circle we’ve sat in for previous sessions. No one liked the restrictions, but, when someone spoke, we all turned to face her as best as we could.
- The four listening habits surfaced. The Inner-personal listeners asked questions about personal impact and meaning. The Extra-personal listeners made connections between what someone else said and others in the room or when we were in college. They were also the most emotional of the group. Problem-solving listeners followed up with factual questions. Conceptualizing listeners made sweeping points and often recalled situations that could never be corroborated.
- Cliques were gone. Everyone was so glad to see one another that we were all mostly curious about family, work, years that have passed, aspirations, and concerns. No one shied away from tough subjects, no one held status over another, no one seemed envious.
I saw genuine caring and very sweet listening.
Can an assessment actually tell me how I listen at work?
There are all sorts of assessments available to people who are curious to learn about themselves. They range from the pop psych quizzes to the well-researched and validated ones often used in business settings.
When I was deciding how to share my accumulated knowledge about listening habits, it was natural to think about creating an assessment. But first, I needed to address the reasons people turn to the instruments, and why more and more seem to pop up yearly.
Broadly, people take assessments to:
- make self-discoveries that add knowledge about what makes them tick
- get a framework that organizes descriptions of who they are
- be provided with information that can be used in real life
- gather hints about how to have better relationships, make better decisions, and be a more effective collaborator
I found that most hard working people want to feel good about themselves and contribute to the satisfaction of others in the workplace.
For example, with my assessment, Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio®, people learn how they listen, what they pay attention to and what they leave on the table, what their body language signals to others, what triggers them to drift off, what questions they use to satisfy their listening habits, and how others read them as listeners.
If we look at some of the more popular assessments, such as MBTI, HBDI, EQi or FIRO-B, they enable the assessment-taker to understand his personality, thinking styles, emotional intelligence and relationship requirements. All these instruments are valuable and enriching, and each sheds a slightly different light on the person. But, if the individual does not use the assessment as a platform for discussion and growth, it is just information, and not much better than one of the pop psychology ones that can be found in Cosmo or FB.
The real benefit comes when an assessment highlights where to make changes that will be of personal and professional benefit, and the user sets about a course that results in real, valuable growth.
I’m often asked if there’s a process to make real change, not just cosmetic upgrades, but lasting and significant change. From what I’ve read, researched and observed, there does seem to be a process. It is:
test, practice, reflect, modify, practice
Read the next blog for more on the process.