Archive for March, 2011
Is Listening a Social Activity?
The quick answer is, yes. The more accurate answer is, it varies according to style.
David Brooks, writing “The Social Animal” in the January 17, 2011 issue of The New Yorker, says:
“There’s a debate in our culture about what really makes us happy… Research over the past thirty years makes it clear that what the inner mind really wants is connection…Joining a group that meets just once a month produces the same increase in happiness as doubling your income.”
That’s powerful affirmation for YPO, Vistage and TED groups for example.
So, if what the mind craves is connection, how do the four (4) listening habits provide it given the differences in the four habits?
Let’s begin at looking at how socialization varies for each of the four (4) habits.
Inner-Personal listeners want to know the relevance of the information to them. They listen to connect the information to what they know and are interested in. In a work setting, that listener will connect to the person who has something worthwhile, in his opinion, to say.
I often attend the Boulder/Denver NewTech Meetup, not because I know much about new technology, but because I’m fascinated by the creativity in the room. The assembled group is a perfect example Brook’s hypothesis. They meet once per month to a sold out registration, talk in code, ask probing questions, come early to talk in loud, excited voices, and linger afterwards. In another setting, these mostly Inner-Personal listeners, might not interact at all with others and would spend their time inside their heads thinking about their interests while others label them as non-social.
Extra-Personal listeners want to know the relevance of the information to others. They listen to connect the information to how it pertains to the needs of others. In a work setting, those listeners will share what they’ve learned with others. They can be teachers and mentors or gossips because for them, knowledge is a connection commodity.
My partner, an educator, is both a voracious learner and very social. He uses what he’s reading or experiencing in his interactions. I’m often amazed at the conversations he gets into with total strangers about subjects it’s hard to imagine they’re both interested in, but they do seem to find common ground.
Problem-Solving listeners want to know the relevance of the information to a problem they are thinking about or working on. They listen to connect the information to their pathway towards getting to a right solution.
I recently conducted a session with a group of predominantly Problem-Solving engineers. They began sitting alone, not interacting with one another or me, and with heads in gadgets. As soon as I posted the group results from Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio® and asked them to identify patterns and themes in their listening habits, they came alive. They moved closer to one another, pointed to the chart, asked one another and me questions, spoke up, and laughed at their similarity.
Conceptualizing listeners want to know how they can add ideas to what’s being presented. They listen to connect the information to everything and anything. Of the four habits, they are assumed to be the most social. Now we know that is not the case, but they make it easiest to detect. What they hear often gets translated into lots of new ideas that they just have to share.
They are the people who get others enthused about possibilities and options. I have a long-term friendship with a leader who was once on a team I coached. When he listens, he inevitably absorbs the information, generates ideas about how it can be used, and gathers others who want to come on board.
One problem I have with traditional Team Building activities is they are undifferentiated and assume one-size-will fit all.
If we accept David Brook’s research, then it’s important to allow people to work according to their varied social needs, and to listen for what has meaning to others.
More Research Findings
I think part of my responsibility as a Subject Matter Expert (SME) on Listening is to share some of the research that I come across on the subject. Following are a couple:
- TIME Magazine, February 21, 2011, Wired for Distractionby Dalton Conley.
In light of full disclosure, I should tell you that Dalton’s parents, Ellen and Steve Conley are long time friends, and I knew Dalton as a child, but haven’t seen him in years.
Dalton cites a study conducted at Stanford on multitasking. They learned that students who did the most media multitasking performed worst on a test than those who did the least media multitasking. The article continues, “’Each time we get a message or text,’ Anthony Wagner, one of the Stanford study’s co-authors, speculates, ‘our dopamine reward circuits probably get activated, since the desire for social connection is so wired into us.’ The result, he suggests, could be a forward-feeding cycle in which we pay more and more attention to environmental stimuli—Hey, another text!—at the expense of focus.”
Marian’s Thoughts: The impact of multitasking on listening is profound. We cannot listen fully and use media at the same time. Period. But, how do we get people in the workplace to multitask less and focus more?
- 5 Spices that are good for your brain, Daniel G. Amen, M.D. and Phil Lampert, The Supermarket Guru.
Turmeric: UCLA study showed that curcumin, the active ingredient in turmeric, “broke up brain plaques of amyloid beta, the abnormal protein buildup” that might be related to Alzheimer’s.
Saffron: University of Tehran study discovered that “a twice-daily dose of saffron works as well as Prozac in treating mild to moderate depression.”
Ginger: Roger Cady, M.D., director of the Headache Care Center in Springfield, MO, conducted a study that found “more than 80% of migraine-prone patients with mild headaches who were treated with a combo of ginger and feverfew staved off migraines.”
Garlic: A 2007 study in the journal Cancer noted, “garlic compounds eliminated brain cancer cells.”
Cinnamon: A recent study found that chewing cinnamon gum “speeds the rate at which your brain processes visual cues. One reason the gum may help: cinnamon regulates blood sugar levels, and this helps you stay focused.”
Marian’s Thoughts: A sharp and focused brain is critical to listening. Let me know if you value these research updates as well as how you use the information.
Field Notes: The Bell Ringer
On the excursion boat going from Perth to Rottnest Island I sat next to a bell ringer. She and forty other bell ringer hobbyists are traveling around Australia meeting local bell ringers, seeing the bells and listening to the variety of sounds. For example, the bell tower by the dock in Perth is famous because it has 16 bells making it one of the largest and most complex set-ups in the world.
She’s the first bell ringer I think I’ve ever met and she was fascinating. In her professional life she’s an orchestra manager and not just any orchestra either-London Philharmonic and St Martins of the Fields to name two she’s worked with in her career.
One story she told brought an insight to me about listening.
My companion Ken told her when he thinks about bells, he’s always reminded of Princess Diana’s funeral. The Bell Ringer said she was one of the bell ringers for the funeral. She went on to explain that the assignment was very challenging in two ways: the sound had to be mournful and the bells had to continuously ring. Bells without muffles are loud, clear, reverberating, and usually regarded as joyful. After all, their purpose is to gather people to worship.
So, to make the bells appropriate for a funeral, they wrap the gong to muffle the sound, which causes a much more reserved and ethereal ring.
The bells she’s talking about are all hand controlled and not ones that are mechanical or recorded; consequently, it takes a lot of strength and knowledge about the properties of each bell to make the right sounds. So, imagine being a ringer in Westminster Abbey at such an auspicious occasion with half-muffled bells ringing without pause and in sequence. She said all the ringers’ arms, shoulders and necks were very sore afterwards.
Her story made me think about how our listening habits respond to context. Many people in London hear the Westminster Abbey bells with enough frequency that they fade into the background with other white noise. But when the context changed, mostly everyone in London commented on the sound of the bells during the funeral and said how moving the bells were—haunting and emotional, almost like human sobs.
We as listeners can be extremely influenced by change in the nature and quality of sound. A speaker with a happy tone-of-voice can make us feel positive about what is being said, while a sad tone-of-voice can bring on negative feelings. When the happy-voiced person has a difficult message to share, s/he uses voice to signal the change in mood.
I find myself saying often to coaching clients to practice speaking in the manner they want to be received and perceived. Leaders want people to be engaged with them and it’s just too hard to be a brilliant monotone, so they work on tone, pitch and pace. Do you?
If a bell ringer can control millions of people’s emotions, we can notice how even a small change can influences what we listen and respond to in an interaction.
Re-shaping a Habit
I’m in Australia and driving on the other side of the road. To become a competent driver here requires the same kind of effort as learning to use a different listening habit.
A habit involves our brain, body, psyche/emotions, and behaviors, and to change any habit, we must alter all four factors.
My brain is definitely wired to sitting on the left and driving on the right side of the road. Thank goodness there are helpful signs everywhere: keep left, look right, overtake on the right. My brain has to tell my body to do what the signs say, and quickly to avoid being hit when walking or crashing, especially in a roundabout. I used to pause in a roundabout, which is dangerous because the car could be rear-ended by a driver expecting me to move through.
Although my brain and body were beginning to collaborate, my emotions lagged. I was often frightened and lacked confidence that I could maneuver anywhere, from driving in heavy traffic, on highways, parking and having good responses. I was far from relaxed and my behaviors showed—I sat up tall and stiff in the driver’s seat, griped the wheel tight, never took my eyes off the road for a second, would not allow the radio to be on, and constantly asked my navigator for directions.
This is my third time driving in Australia and New Zealand, so the switch came much faster, as did my confidence and competence. I can say I can drive fluidly on either the left or right hand side.
My driving situation is so similar to shifting listening habits. Some of the listening process is automatic and works under any circumstances. But some requires lots of practice, awareness and patience to become fluid. When people tune out during an interaction, they open themselves to a “crash” because they lose focus. When people interrupt, they shut off the other person(s) and there is a “stall.” When people multi-task, they are distracted and can miss vital “road signs.”
It just might be to our advantage to put ourselves in a different driver’s seat every so often to test our ability to change ingrained habits.
Another Listening Barrier: Day Dreaming
I used to teach writing and often used an exercise intended to stimulate creativity, understand how to build ideas, and develop community. The exercise was deceptively easy. One person would throw out the first two sentences of a story, and the next person had to add two more sentences. The two new sentences had to move the story forward.
After a few rounds, I’d stop the storytelling to ask the class if they were interested in the story so far, and what was going on in their heads while the story was unfolding. There was usually a modicum of interest in the story, “Yeah, I’m digging it.” Or, more often, “It’s OK.”
Then, I‘d ask what they were paying attention to while waiting for their turn to add lines. Most said they’d listen a little to the story, just enough to follow, but the majority of their time was spent trying to create their two lines. They wanted the lines to be memorable. They were Rehearsing (November 10, 2010 post) or making mental preparations for their time to speak.
Those Rehearsing students were actually paying more and better attention than were the other students. They were Day Dreaming, one of the most common, hard to detect, and wasteful barriers to listening. Day Dreamers don’t listen to what is happening in the here-and-now. Instead, they are off somewhere in space, probably not tuned into anything related to the interaction such as the students’ storytelling. Day Dreamers’ minds float freely, similar to the brain activity that occurs in the last few minutes before sleep. They can’t be out there and in here at the same time.
The big question is how do you harness your Day Dreaming attention to keep it focused? In a recent post I mentioned research that claims students in an experiment reported their minds wandered 5.4 times in 45 minutes. That’s a lot of time spent not listening.
To keep the mind alert some people doodle, others cross fingers or pinch themselves, another might exaggerate eye contact or change body language, and some even say to themselves, “Pay attention, pay attention…”
Just by being conscious that you are Day Dreaming reduces the amount that you do it. I’d tell my students to take one step into the circle every time they found themselves drifting away. By the time we finished the line-addition exercise, the circle would be much smaller than when we started, but it would gradually stabilize as awareness and engagement built.
While Day Dreaming might help a novelist, it doesn’t produce good listening.