Archive for September, 2012
Listening Skills and Executive Personal Development, Part 1 of 3
During my debrief conversation with a senior executive who took our Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio® assessment I was amazed at how much he knew about the brain. He told me that he decided some time ago to make changes in the way he interacted with people, and to do that he had to learn about many aspects of human development.
Our conversations so piqued my curiosity that I wanted to know what factors caused many of the leaders I’ve worked with to travel on their own personal development journey. So, I asked a dozen successful leaders I know if they would answer a couple of questions, and I promised it would take about 15 minutes.
Following is a compilation of their answers, without identifying who said what. There are recurring themes as well as one-offs. My goal is to share their interesting reflections for others to be able to examine how they might answer the questions.
The names and titles of the people who responded are at the end of the document. We all owe them a big “huzzah” for taking the time and effort to reflect and share a bit of their stories with us.
The questions:
- What prompted you to engage in a personal development journey?
- What did you learn about yourself?
- How has your personal development journey impacted your work?
Note: Some people stuck to all three questions, others went off in a different direction. Everyone answered the first question. Each of the three posts will address one question.
What prompted you to engage in a personal development journey?
Themes and quotes:
“Personal development occurs when you are exposed to new people and new challenges.”
Being a better person
- The more responsibility I have in my job, the more I want to be a good human being, father, husband/wife, manager
- I must learn about myself to be a role model for others
- I can’t stand executives who send others off to training without diving in themselves
- When I help others, I feel so much more valuable
- I had a boss (another said mentor) who made me realize I want to operate in a way that is beyond the norm
Lifelong commitment
- I don’t remember ever being any different
- Not one single thing prompted the journey, but I knew I was ready
- Life is a learning journey—that’s my philosophy
- I get a THRILL out of learning especially when I come upon something I don’t know so I can go learn it
- Einstein said his success was less about brilliance than about passion
- When I was a kid and in sports I did what the coach told me, and that lead to success, so I’ve done that ever since. Now I continue to earn the right to coach others.
Turning point
- You get to a point you want to learn more because there’s something propelling you to do better
- I switched out of teaching where I had the authority into HR working with front line people where I was not an authority. I had to help them succeed while learning to go from “sage on stage to guide on side.”
- I got to a point where I needed to know/learn more. It was like I entered a hallway and six doors opened, then they led to six more—like a Pandora’s box of learning
- Being put into new scenarios that are new/foreign. You have to develop, personally and professionally
- When I was 6-7 years old my grandfather said I was too young to saddle-break a horse. I had to show him I could—I’m still at it—conquering challenges
- I concluded I needed to be a different person to do the kind of work I wanted to do
- I took a job at a company that was #1 in sales training, and then I was tapped to be a sales trainer for them. That opportunity offered a lot of personal development for me and everyone I came to manage.
- I’d say that a super-challenging event often propels people towards self-examination. It could be a role in transition, derailment, surprising failure, no longer having all the answers—the trick is to recognize it’s happening
Feedback
- It’s hard to hear someone say you’re not very approachable or flexible. Those words, plus being told I had the makings of a great manager, propelled me into personal development.
- There’s no easy way to say this, but my boss told me, “You act like a jerk sometimes. Fix it if you want to be here next year.”
- I took a workshop, and when we were deep into it, the leader said, “You don’t flex your curiosity muscle.” That shifted everything for me.
- To recognize strengths and flaws in others, I had to see into myself first
- When people have gone through a good bit of a career with little disturbance, and then those reliable behaviors aren’t working anymore, they need to ask: how do I adapt, what do I need to change, what happened?
No option
- When I was nine I was sent off to boarding school, on my own and cut off from parents—sink or swim, and swim I did. I learned how to be self-reliant. Now I’m having to unlearn some of those behaviors to function at a higher level.
- Management sent me to a workshop that had a lot of personal development built in. While there I learned about myself and others. As a result I sought out a coach and continue the efforts.
- Immersion into another culture leaves little choice. The new culture can be another part of the world, department, company, and that change presents a whole other world to examine.
And a couple mentioned by only one person:
- Unplugging. Stepping away from the hyper-plugged in world allows something else to drop in. That changed direction.
- Many people will not admit to being quite lonely as a CEO or as President. It is refreshing to meet with Peers from sometimes very different backgrounds. One can hear from others what their main challenge and successes have been and more importantly how they dealt with these.
Following are the names and titles of the executives who shared their insights:
- David Carder, VP, Executive Consultant, The Forum Corporation
- Iain Duffin, Chairman Origo Service Group Edinburgh, Non Executive Director of the Scottish Leather Group and Director of IDD Associates Ltd.
- Carol Ryan Ertz, AVP, Enterprise Leadership Development, Unum Corporation
- Ron Griffiths, CEO Network Green Deal Ltd and RG Direct Association Ltd.
- Larry Hart, Chair, Vistage International
- Jim Mikula, Managing Director, Hotel Madeline and Inn at Lost Creek
- Susan Moseley, VP Member Service Corporation, NFIB
- Vivien Price, VP Solutions Design, The Forum Corporation
- Helaine Suval, President and Founder for Suval Consultants
- Frank van Dyke, Regional Marketing Leader, GE Oil & Gas
LinkedIn Discussion, “What do you think is the number one listening skill?”
We here at Expanding Thought®, Inc., home of the innovative Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio® assessment and Listening Impact®, have been privileged to be a part of the fascinating discussion initiated by Kimberly Gleason, “What do you think is the number one listening skill?” on the LinkedIn Organization Development and Training Forum. Given our interest in listening skills we were especially excited by Kimberly’s topic and the ensuing discussion.
Kimberly’s strategies include; Focus on the Other Person, Show Interest, Observe Body Language, Paraphrase What the Person Said, Ask Questions, and Use Silence.
An extensive and enlightening discussion took place over a two-month period with 56 respondents, and it was difficult to keep track of what listening skills were mentioned. That’s why we took it upon ourselves, with Kimberly’s permission, to compile a list of the listening skills. Many of the skills had similar meanings and were grouped together; others stood out on their own. All of them were unique and insightful. We hope we’ve captured them all. If you see any missing, please feel free to contact us.
Click this link to download the list (in Excel format), LI Disc List
Enjoy!
Listening to Ramblers: Expanding Your Listening Skills
Do you ever dread it when The Rambler comes in and says, “Do you have a minute?” knowing full well that there is no such thing as a minute-long interaction with that person?
What to do?
- Reach for the phone and say, “Sorry, I’m just about to get on a call.”
- Sit down, sigh and say, “Sure, but only a minute.”
- Faint
- Face the person, square your body, hold up your watch and say in an uninviting tone, “What is it?”
The Rambler might be a listening time-sink, but s/he might also be full of nuggets waiting to be mined. The challenge is how to get them to the surface in the least amount of time, but without losing their value or demotivating the speaker.
Who is The Rambler? They are often creative thinkers who formulate ideas easily and fast, and one idea begets another. It’s difficult for them to stay focused, and as difficult for the listener to follow along. The Rambler might also lack confidence and thus, offers up options rather than asserting one or two. Another possibility is s/he wants to please the listener and does so by reading the listener to determine what s/he responds to and continuously builds upon the positive reinforcement.
If you as the listener understand The Rambler, then it’s easier to find ways to mitigate against the habit (like most aspects of communication, it is a habit that can be changed).
I can use myself as a rambling example. John Humphrey, one of the founders of The Forum Corporation was a wonderful habit-changer for me. After a few times of going to him with ideas, ideas, ideas, he gently (very important) said something like, “Marian, I so value your creativity and wealth of ideas. I need you to help me identify those that are most likely to do what we need. I don’t have the time or willingness to hear you think out loud. Next time, please come to me with three clear ideas.”
That was many decades ago, and one of life’s grand lessons. I learned to put ideas on paper, schedule brainstorming sessions, establish criteria, ask questions about the real problem, and probably many more—all from that one interaction with someone I respected and trusted.
How do you channel the energy of The Rambler to mine the essence of what’s being presented?