Archive for the ‘Social aspects of listening’ Category
More on Open Communication from Dan Tapscott
I recently watched a TED talk given by the futurist Dan Tapscott who outlined four principles of an open world. Of course he was superb, and of course, he built upon what Elon Musk said—open communication is the way forward for our changing world.
You can see the video yourself: (http://www.ted.com/talks/don_tapscott_four_principles_for_the_open_world_1.html)
I want to reiterate only a few of the points and relate them to listening.
Openness is about transparency. I’m reminded of two different organizations I’ve observed. One invites employees to look at the books, attend board meetings, and advise the executive committee about changes that could help the organization. I was asked to attend one of the board meetings to provide feedback to the board after I did some listening skill development with them. The board wanted my feedback about how well they listened and if they were being open with the employees who attended the meeting. They answered all employee questions with candor.
The second organization said they wanted to be open and transparent with employees, but there wasn’t one scintilla of behavior to support that statement. There was a suggestion box and so many layers of management plus pounds of red tape, that the few suggestions were ludicrous (paint the dingy cafeteria, buy soft cushions for the call center).
The employees at the transparent organization told me they felt heard, respected and would do anything to help out.
Openness is about sharing. He told some wonderful stories about insurgents who succeeded because they shared information for the safety of others. I’m on several Linked In groups and I’m impressed by the amount of intellectual property (IP) that colleagues share with one another. Even the concept of TED itself is an example.
So why in the world would anyone give away what s/he has spent years developing? Truthfully, I’m not sure, but I think it’s in our inherent nature to want to add value and be a trusted source. If I listen to the request of a colleague within a social network community, I tend to probe deeper to develop a greater understanding of the issue. I rarely rush in with lots of solutions and information. Those interactions build a community of collaborators that builds trust and a willingness to be open with one another.
Finally, his statement that our young people today are digital natives, whereas, the rest of us are digital immigrants who have to learn to speak the language. I loved the thought that we are constantly challenged to pay attention to what is new and open to us.
Part 2 of Notes from the International Listening Association Convention
Dr. Doyle Srader, Northwest Christian University, Eugene, Oregon
Performance Listening
Question: How is the act of listening sufficient to fulfill the duties of the listener and/or create relationship?
Some findings:
- There are three categories of performance listening:
- Listening toward relationship—calls relationship into being and establishes ties
- Listening toward leadership—enters without an agenda and allows interaction to establish meaning and directions
- Listening toward fairness—hear someone out much like in the judicial system where there is a hearing
- Measure of success is when followers are satisfied that the interaction has been effective and appropriate
- Communication is transactional and a co-created encounter
- Goal—use all three to be a credible listener so other person would say s/he’s been heard
Christopher Gearhart, Louisiana State University, Baton Rouge, LA
Sensory-processing Sensitivity
Question: Is the Highly Sensitive Person a Highly Sensitive Listener?
Some findings:
- No, highly sensitive people are easily distracted by stimuli and may not focus well as a listener
- fMRI shows more processing activity and less accuracy for a highly sensitive person
- fMRI shows longer and deeper processing activity for a less sensitive person
Sheila Bentley, Bentley Consulting; Graham Bodie, LSU; Jennifer Grau, Grau Interpersonal Communication
A Time I Felt Listened To
Question: Which techniques make a person felt listened to?
Some findings:
- People describe attributes first and behaviors second
- Sometimes the researcher had to ask, “What caused you to list that attribute to get the person to describe what the person did?
- Women square off more in an interaction while men take an open positioning
- 80% of all malpractice suits are caused by patient feeling “brushed off”
- An initial reaction determines degree of satisfaction/dissatisfaction with the entire interaction, even if the first person encountered is not the main interaction (e.g. person at the front desk makes a good/bad impression, and that colors every subsequent interaction, regardless of how others treat the person)
- Back-channel responses, those that are unconscious such as nodding or uttering “uh-huh” signal understanding
- The key attributes included in a Physician Listening Study:
- It is assumed the physician brings these attributes to the table:
Confidence, Empathetic, Humane, Personal, Forthright, Respectful, Thorough
Most important verbal behaviors: Answers questions, elaborates on topics being discussed instead of answering with short statements, asks questions, does not interrupt or change the subject
Non-verbal behaviors: Maintains appropriate eye contact, focuses body language and position, engages in appropriate composure, smiles/laughs
Random notes:
- Good listening gives you currency
- There are four stages of counseling/therapy
- engagement
- assessment in context
- insight
- action
- Babies borrow their sound from parents—that’s why many children have similar voices and speech patterns as their parents
- Listening is enhanced when the listener asks: Who/what am I as a listener in this situation?
- Anticipation of where the speaker is going next derails communication
- Metaphor: Listening is a cup. If it’s full with our own stuff, there’s no room for another’s.
There was a lot of validation of our work in Listening Impact, especially for Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio ®
Active Listening might be a passé term: What would you nominate in its place?
Notes from the International Listening Association (ILA) Convention, March 22-24, 2012, Bremerton, WA
I’ve just returned from the ILA Convention in Bremerton, WA where I had the opportunity to learn about some fascinating research that expanded my knowledge of listening, and hopefully it will do the same for you. This post is part one of two of some of the take-aways from that conference.
It was quite an extended process to get to the convention—plane to Seattle, shuttle to the ferry terminal, hour ferry ride to Bremerton, and short walk to the convention center and hotel. Nevertheless, I’m very glad I attended because I heard some terrific presentations given by smart, smart people.
Graham Bodie and grad students from Louisiana State University
Supportive Listening
Question: What are the similarities and differences between a supportive person and a supportive listener?
Some findings:
- Supportive person is described in general, impressionistic terms such as: positive, intelligent
- Supportive listener described in specific, behavioral characteristics: involved in interaction, responds verbally
- Influencers on the relationship are
- non-verbal \immediacy (e.g. body language)
- verbal-immediacy (e.g. questions)
- Answer to question: How important is it to you that your relational partner is a good listener or good comforter, depends upon the importance you put upon it. Our level of satisfactions depends upon what we’re looking for in our relational partner to demonstrate.
Language Style Matching
Question: Does Language Style Matching (LSM) influence a relationship?
Some findings:
- Mimicry is automatic and mostly unconscious
- LSM is often used when people like one another
- LSM, use of emotional words, or cognitive (cause and effect) words didn’t make people feel better or worse. Or, nothing in particular made much of a difference
- But, negative emotional words and tentative words made people feel worse
- Major finding: We have expectations of listening behaviors, but they don’t matter much until they are NOT used. Then you’ll be considered a bad listener; however using them all won’t necessarily translate into your being considered a good listener.
Laura Janusik, Rockhurst Univeristy, Kansas City & Margarete Imhof, Gutenberg University, Mainz, Germany
Listening Construct Across Cultures
Question: What similarities and difference do three cultures exhibit in terms of conceptualizing listening? (Japanese, European, US American)
Some findings:
- Culture is communication and communication is culture
- Subjective listening concepts determine how/why one listens
- How one perceives listening could affect how one does listening
- Subjective concepts are culturally dependent
Metacognition
Question: Will we listen better if we think about it?
Some findings:
- There are three stages to metacognitive listening:
- Before: plan and set goals
- During: comprehend, aware of what’s happening in the moment
- After: reflect
- Bringing listening to consciousness increases likelihood of a positive interaction
Directed Learning
Question: What are some strategies that will enhance listening in the classroom/training room?
Strategies:
- All about connections
a. What do I already know about topic
b. What should I know that I don’t
c. Learning facilitator stops every 10-15 minutes to tell them to make connections between a and b
2. Voice Mirroring
a. Facilitator reads a script while the audience mirrors her words out loud
b. Initially, the facilitator faces the audience, then turns her back
c. Facilitator faces audience again but this time the audience silently mirrors the words inside their heads, and finally they close their eyes and mirror in silence
d. Technique brings yourself back on track to focus entirely on what the speaker is saying
3. Stop, Look, Summarize
a. Draw a line at the bottom of your page of notes
b. Periodically, put the information into your own words
c. Technique translates and summaries ideas into an understandable format
4. Big Picture, Little Picture
a. Look at details and tie them to the big picture
b. Look at big picture and tie them to details
c. Technique relates two extremes of thought process to one another
5. Think, Pair, Share
a. Write words/terms you don’t understand
b. Pair up to figure out meaning
c. Share with others who may/may not have figured out definitions
d. Technique uses group knowledge and reduces anxiety about not knowing what a word/term means. It’s particularly good for non-native speakers as well as for people from different functions/disciplines
6. Multi-Tasking is a Myth*
a. Can’t do two tasks even when tasks tap into same part of brain
b. Can’t do two switch tasks using different parts of brain
*If you don’t subscribe to this blog and you’d like a copy of the short exercise that demonstrates this strategy, sign up for the blog and we’ll gladly send it.
Do Women Talk More than Men? Recent Research
The findings from Queendom.com, a testing company, indicate:
- women and older age groups tend to be better listeners
- a fair amount of people continue to practice listening “faux pas” like interrupting, finishing other people’s sentences, and otherwise not giving someone their undivided attention
- women can tell when someone isn’t listening. They recognize that distant, glassy look, the misplaced “Uh huhs,” and fidgeting
“Most people will probably state that they’re pretty good listeners, but that’s because a lot of us think that listening is a passive process – that it just requires us to hear what others are saying,” explains Dr. Ilona Jerabek, president of the company. “Listening is active. We need to be mentally present, which means avoiding distractions, refrain from prematurely judging what the speaker is saying, or focusing on coming up with the perfect comment. We also need to be physically present – this means eye contact and open body language – and no fidgeting!”
Women seem to grasp this active listening concept slightly better than men do. Women are not only a little better at using body language to show that they are listening, they were also more likely to let a conversation flow rather than interrupt a speaker. Age comparisons reveal that older age groups are not only better listeners and good with body language, but also have longer attention span, are more likely to hear a person out, and less likely to get distracted.
Queendom’s data also reveals that while listening to others…
3% admitted that they don’t make eye contact.
12% will finish someone’s sentences.
16% will correct the speaker if they mispronounce a word.
17% have a tendency to interrupt.
19% will purposely divert or end conversations that don’t interest them.
20% admit that they perform other tasks at the same time (e.g. watch TV, cook).
23% fidget (play with hair, look at watch, tap feet, drum fingers).
27% make disapproving faces if they don’t agree with the speaker.
31% are thinking about how they will respond to the speaker.
40% admit that their mind wanders if they find the topic of conversation boring.
“Our study also showed that people with good listening skills had better grades in school and higher performance ratings at work. Listening takes effort, however, and a willingness to give our undivided focused to someone, which isn’t always easy.”
For further information about the study:
Ilona Jerabek, Ph.D., President PsychTests AIM Inc. http://testyourself.psychtests.com/ [email protected] tel: 514-745-3189
Listening at the Airport—Notes from the Field
I’m so inured to air travel that I don’t pay much attention to what’s going on around me. But tonight, in the Minneapolis Airport on my way home from working in NC, I did lift up my head and listened around me.
One man talked on-and-on without pausing, asking a question, or seeming to be in conversation with anyone else. Nearby, a couple sat next to one another, held hands, and made no other connections. When he stood up, she scowled and seemed indignant. He stretched, but didn’t wander as though he knew the limits, beyond which it would not be all right to stray.
Many people were on mobile phones, some talking so loud that anyone who cared to could hear every word of their interactions. I eavesdropped. One woman was helping an offspring work through a homework problem. One woman was gossiping about an errant family member. One man was berating someone over a business decision. One man was talking on the phone and poking his nearby wife’s arm to emphasize a point. And more than one person was talking, typing, and doing yet something else such as filing nails, eating, reading, and putting on makeup, all simultaneously.
I kept on wondering if any one of the people was listening. If so, what were the indications—laughter, raising or lowering of voices, pauses, or even silence? The one couple didn’t even need to say a word to one another to be able to read intent and expectations.
I’d love to ask each of the people I watched if their interactions were satisfactory and if they felt heard. Short of that, I looked for positive or negative signs. But, for the most part, people were blank and went on to whatever was next.
My conclusion is that listening is elusive and hard to describe even though it’s a huge part of our every day.
Neuromarketing and Listening
The crux of neuromarketing is to get to the subconscious brain before the conscious mind kicks in. Why? The neuroscientists would say it is to tap into a mind free from biases, memories and learning. The marketers would say it is to increase the likelihood that a product will sell.
As you know, much of our research at ListeningImpact focuses on the role of the brain in determining listening preferences. We’re pretty sure that there’s an instantaneous reaction when we’re in a listening situation that governs whether we will pay attention to the speaker(s).
The neuromarketers are trying to unravel that same hypothesis. Can we program the brain to pay attention? For us in the realm of listening, it is to help people make better decisions, collaborate more openly, and develop more satisfying relationships that happens when the brain is engaged in listening. For the neuromarketers, it is to reduce the failure rate of new products (80%) and increase the chances people will rush out to buy a product.
What the neuromarketers are doing is fascinating. Let me quote from an article, They Have Hacked Your Brain by Adam L. Penenberg, in the September 2011 issue of Fast Company magazine, p 89 that explains how the neuromarketers track what’s going on in the brain. Hang on, it’s heady:
…neuromarketers can track electrical waves as they relate to emotion, memory, and attention from specific areas of the brain: namely, the amygdala, an almond-shaped region that plays a role in storing emotionally charged memories and helps trigger physical reactions (sweaty palms, a faster heartbeat); the hippocampus, where memory lurks; and the lateral prefrontal cortex, which governs high-level cognitive powers (one being attention). Once the brain waves are collected, complex algorithms can sift through the data to connect each reaction to a specific moment.
What has all that to do with listening? While we don’t attach an EEG machine to people’s heads, we do help people identify what they pay attention to and what they ignore. We also educate people about all the various triggers in their lives that influence their attention. For example, when someone becomes aware of her physical reactions to another person, she can use her body to bring herself back into the interaction just by shifting position.
We at ListeningImpact and the neuromarketers with their very sophisticated technology aim to:
- Tap into the pre-conscious brain to isolate it from conscious thought and resulting behaviors
- Enable people to develop skills that will slow knee-jerk reactions to other people, information, and situations
Channel the brain, body and emotions into maintaining attention
Field Note—Reunion
I recently attended my Skidmore College reunion and one of the activities we have come to love is a session with Zelda Jacobson, a classmate and superb psychotherapist. She asks us to reflect on our lives in the present and starts off with a contemplative leading question that always engenders lots of responses.
I usually wear my “Listening” hat, thus I was drawn to observe the dynamics of the fifty six women in the room (Skidmore was still a women’s college when we attended). Let me share some of what I noticed:
- People who had strong voices in college still have a lot to say.
- The quality of the responses highly correlated to the quality of Zelda’s inquiries. That reinforced the need to include question-asking in all my work.
- When people went off track, it seemed that they were listening to themselves rather than to what was being said in the room.
- Most people have learned to take turns so the interactions had continuity with ideas building upon one another (other than the women mentioned in #3).
- We were seated auditorium-style instead of the circle we’ve sat in for previous sessions. No one liked the restrictions, but, when someone spoke, we all turned to face her as best as we could.
- The four listening habits surfaced. The Inner-personal listeners asked questions about personal impact and meaning. The Extra-personal listeners made connections between what someone else said and others in the room or when we were in college. They were also the most emotional of the group. Problem-solving listeners followed up with factual questions. Conceptualizing listeners made sweeping points and often recalled situations that could never be corroborated.
- Cliques were gone. Everyone was so glad to see one another that we were all mostly curious about family, work, years that have passed, aspirations, and concerns. No one shied away from tough subjects, no one held status over another, no one seemed envious.
I saw genuine caring and very sweet listening.
Listening Like a Heat Seeking Missile
A reporter sent an email today asking how listening factors into organizational change. I immediately thought about the following quote of Dr Terry Paulson, a very intelligent contributor to a LinkedIn group I participate in.
Part of the challenge is that even visions have to change and adjust on the move. It would be easier to plan if the target would stand still, but today change is like a heat-seeking missile having to hone in on a plane doing evasive maneuvers. So movement and course-corrections are at a premium.
That’s what we mean by being a Fluent Listener.
Think of the incredible number of listening contexts a working person finds herself in per day. Let’s call her Luba. How is it even slightly possible for Luba to adjust her listening to the person, moment and message?
Each person in Luba’s audiences enters the communication process with expectations. If Luba doesn’t meet those expectations, she’s assigned a “poor listener” label. We know that being considered a “good” listener correlates highly as a predictor of leader effectiveness, promotes productive relationships with followers and influences motivation and job satisfaction (Sandy Kimmel, 2011). In other words, if an executive is not considered a good listener, it is unlikely others will follow by choice.
So how do the Luba’s of the work-world use fluent listening to affect change?
- Listen, not for how to get to the future, but for how we are in it at the time we are listening - do not dwell on the past nor worry about the future.
- Practice having a listening style and delivery that engenders engagement and trust. They are more important than the rhetoric.
- Intense listening can disarm speakers, especially ones who are passionate.
- Use storytelling to demonstrate depth of understanding and to be additive.
- And most important, be a supportive listener. Go where the speaker goes, not where you want the conversation to head—be that heat-seeking missile.
Gertrude Stein said, “A genius is someone who can talk and listen at the same time.” Yet, that’s what’s expected of us in our demanding lives.
Why Are There “Yes” Decision-Makers?
London, April 20 (IANS) Some people are born “yes men,” thanks to their genes which make them more likely to follow other people’s directives.
Researchers found that coming to a decision often involves listening to two parts of the brain – one that relies on taking advice and the other on experience.
The brain weighs up the often-opposing views and then comes to a decision to take an action. But Brown University researchers in Rhode Island discovered that some people have genes that skew the decision towards one part of the brain than other.
They discovered the DARPP-32 genetic variation meant that individuals are more likely to do what he or she is told, even when it is contradicted by experience, the journal Neuroscience reports.
The gene means that like “a ‘yes man,’ who is flexible to a fault, the brain is more likely to be influenced by what it is told than what its experience tells it,” the report said, according to the Telegraph.
Michael Frank of Brown University recruited more than 70 people who gave saliva samples and then performed a computerized learning task.
The subjects were shown symbols on a screen and asked to pick the ‘correct’ one, which they had to learn by being given advice that was not always correct.
Ultimately, the people with DARPP-32 were the “ones who stuck with wrong advice the longest, and in a later test they were more likely to choose symbols that they were advised were correct over those that in reality had higher likelihood of being correct.”
Frank said that being a “yes man” might actually be advantageous as taking advice is easier and less dangerous than always having to experience things.
What does that mean for people with different listening habits? Each time you listen well, you rewire brain cell connectors and reshape listening ability; thus you increase the likelihood you will be a fluent listener rather than being a “yes” or “no” listener.
More from David Brooks Writing:
In my last post I mentioned David Brooks’ January 17, 2011 article, “The Social Animal,” in The New Yorker. There are three more pieces that are pertinent to the field of listening:
1. “The orbicularisoculi muscle, which controls this (the end of her eyebrow) part of the eyebrow, cannot be consciously controlled, so when the tip of the eyebrow dips, that means the smile is genuine, not fake.” (p.29).
What has that to do with listening? Body language is a big component of what draws us into listening. If a smile is genuine, we are much more apt to stay engaged and listen.
2. “Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov, of Princeton University, have found that we make judgments about a person’s trustworthiness, competence, aggressiveness, and likability within the first tenth of a second. These sorts of first glimpses are astonishingly reliable in predicting how people will feel about each other months later.” (p. 29)
What has that to do with listening? As a listener it is crucial to pay attention to what is being said rather than who is speaking. Think about the amount of time spent in meetings and how much of that time is wasted when listeners disengage because of “chemistry.” Really good listeners do not make snap judgments.
3. “…we inherit a great river of knowledge, a flow of patterns coming from many sources. The information that comes from deep in the evolutionary past we call genetics. The information passed along from hundreds of years ago we call culture. The information passed along from decades ago we call family, and the information offered months ago we call education. But it is all information that flows through us.” (p. 32)
What has that to do with listening? Listening habits are patterns that come from the way our brains work, our physical traits, practiced behaviors, and psychological make-up. Brooks is suggesting we’re never isolated from our past. So, it is incumbent upon us as listeners to be aware and remain in the present.
The results of The Fluent Listener suite of offerings is well described by Brooks, “…having the ability to read situations the way a master seaman reads the rhythm of the ocean.” (p.32)
By all means, tell us what you’re reading about or observing about the field of listening.