Archive for the ‘Communication’ Category
Seven Common Listening Situations: Listening Skills at Work
There’s rarely a time when you don’t have to listen, but in a workday, there are situations that require more or less of your full listening attention. For example, you might be a sole practitioner like a bench scientist or painter; therefore, interacting with customers just isn’t a large part of what you ordinarily do.
In the first column, put the listening situations in order of frequency. In other words, which of the seven listening situations do you engage in most (1) to least (7)?
___ ___ Interacting with customers: internal or external
___ ___ Coaching and developing your team
___ ___ Collaborating with peers on shared projects
___ ___ Influencing upward and across the organization
___ ___ Partnering with vendors or suppliers
___ ___ Resolving conflicts: building relationships
___ ___ Leading change and understanding questions, concern
Now, in the second column, put them in order of difficulty. In other words, which of the seven listening situations is most (1) to least (7) challenging for you to handle?
If the most frequent situation is also your most challenging, you use a tremendous amount of emotional and physical energy handling it. Conversely, if your most frequent situation is also your least challenging, you’ve developed skills to handle it.
Many of our clients tell us too much of their day is spent on difficult situations, and they want to learn how to change that ratio.
For our research, please send us a copy of your lists. We’ll share anonymous results.
Politics and Listening Skills
I was struck in an article in Time Magazine (June 24, 2013 pp40-43) about Chuck Schumer’s brand of deal-making. He said:
“I’m willing to listen if it will help bring Republicans along.”
“If you want to bring somebody onto your side, you have to figure out what motivates them.”
“If you want to be a knight on a white horse, always espousing 100% purity, then you shouldn’t be in the Senate”
“I don’t like the far right. And I don’t like the far left. Because I think they expect they have a monopoly on wisdom.”
“I’m a politician. That means I have chosen my life’s work in the constraints of the system to accomplish as much good as I can. I accept the tough choices.”
Not only does he bring up the art of compromise in negotiations, he also speaks to all four listening habits that we’ve identified, and mostly he surfaces the need for everyone to learn how to flex their listening to others and to the situation.
What are your responses to his remarks, both as they relate to the current state of politics, and to their application to listening in your world?
Listening Skills and Sales: Listening Mistakes Made by Sales People
Most probably like you, I’ve sat in on or made sales calls. When they go well, I rarely stop to analyze why. But, when they go awry, I go over every part of the interaction trying to understand what happened.
There are the obvious mistakes: insufficient preparation, unclear goals, performance pressure, and unfamiliarity with the client/business. Any of those problems can sink the call, but most seasoned sales people don’t go into a situation so unskilled.
There are four (4) less common mistakes that even well-trained and practiced sales people sometimes make.
- Ignoring the signs that you and your customer are not aligned
- Failing to course-correct when the opportunity is still there
- Fear about deviating from your organization’s sales plan
- Trying to cover up your mistake and judgment errors when it’s too late
Scenario:
You are in a meeting with your customer you’ve sold to for three years. She’s usually easy to work with and interested in what you have to offer. Today she stands after about five minutes into the meeting, looks at her watch and ipad that’s sitting open on her desk, frowns, and doesn’t ask one question. Mistake #1 you chalk up her change in behavior to busyness and plow ahead with your presentation.
Mistake #2, not stopping to ask what’s going on. It would be so easy to say, “Let’s recalibrate to make sure I’m addressing your needs because I’m observing that we might be off course.
But, you fear that if you take too much time or if you admit you’re off-course, you might question the sales strategy established for this client. So, Mistake #3, you stick to the sales strategy/goals/plan. That way no one will accuse you of going rogue, and everyone can put the blame for the poor sales call on the client.
But then, you see failure signs instead of dollar signs in front of your eyes. You realize you’ve erred, and Mistake #4 surfaces. You try to backtrack and stop selling, ask her questions, offer her some good deals, and even make some small talk, but it’s too late.
In this case, you didn’t pay attention to the non-verbals, failed to re-set by inquiring about what was going on, and made poor assumptions that a prescribed sales plan was the way to go instead of paying attention to the information the client offered.
Sales success is very dependent upon applying the Listening Golden Rule: Listen to Others as They Want to be Heard.
Speakers Earn Listeners’ Attention: Listening Skills for Speakers
I recently attended a webinar delivered by a famous coach, and for the entire time the audience was on mute. How in the world did the presenter imagine he’d hold his audience’s attention while he talked non-stop and we sat passively, supposedly to listen to his brilliant message? But then, I also watched a TED talk. The live audience and we viewers were also ostensibly on mute, but I didn’t feel like a passive participant.
What’s the difference?
- The TED presenter personalized her messages. She used herself as an example, gave statistics that related to concerns of the attendees, and paused to let a point sink in. And she laughed along with the audience.
- The webinar presenter was more interested in delivering his content and how it related to him than its relevance to the audience. We were hundreds of unknown people, invited to learn from a master, and the onus was on us to listen and figure out how to use the information.
- In fact, there was allotted time at the end of the webinar for questions and there was none for the TED talk, and I don’t know what questions would have been asked if allowed. But, I could tell by the nature of the webinar questions that the audience didn’t exactly grasp the information. The questions focused on topics the audience knew from familiarity with the coach’s books and lectures, not on the content of the webinar.
I was an eager listener when I started both sessions, but it didn’t take long to either gain or lose my attention. One speaker earned my attention by her presence while the other lost me by his self-absorption. She created a sense of being in conversation with each attendee, while he was intellectually and emotionally remote.
Think about yourself.
- Where is your focus—on them or you?
- Do you speak to and with the listener?
- Are your messages relevant?
- Do you combine both facts and feelings?
- Do you check for understanding?
We cannot overlook the importance of the speaker’s role in an interaction. The speaker and the listener are co-authors of successful communication. And both are responsible to make that happen.
Organizational Entropy and Listening Skills
Cultural entropy is the amount of energy in an organisation that is consumed in unproductive work. It is a measure of the conflict, friction and frustration that exists within an organisation. Barrett Values Centre
We don’t usually link the Second Law of Thermodynamics, entropy, a fundamental law of physics, with Listening. That is, until we try to understand why billions of dollars are lost as a result of unproductive work.
The natural state of the world is disorder or entropy, but “entropy can only be overcome by an organizing energy from an external force…We are fighting to show a chaotic world a glimpse of that which provides the only hope for stifling her natural and powerful spiral into disorder.” J. Matthew Brunson, M.D.
That’s where listening comes in to play. It is the vital skill to stem the tide of counterproductive noise in the system.
Let’s take a very common example: selecting an item to be included in a budget.
Manager: We have some money remaining in the budget. It’s just enough to purchase the project management software we’ve wanted.
Direct Report: That would be great. I’ll talk to the vendor about costs and timing.
At that point it seems as though there’s order. But wait.
Another direct report says the money should go for additional headcount to ease burden on employees, customers lobby for price reduction, and the CFO wants to use the funds elsewhere.
Disorder. There’s no decision, players are frustrated, time has been wasted, and the issue has gotten complex.
Heeding Dr. Brunson’s advice, listening would have supplied sufficient energy to overcome the chaos that arose. The interaction devolved into a Ping-Pong match without any attempt to learn from one another to create shared meaning, the very essence of communication.
Similar scenarios occur constantly throughout a business day, pushing an organization towards chaos instead of pulling it towards sensible order. Following are three pointers to control entropy:
1. Listen to your stakeholders. Look beyond analytics and talk to real people to get at what’s behind the numbers. If you observe demoralized people, don’t hide in your office or ask their manager what’s wrong, talk to the people with the problems. If you’re losing customers, don’t send a survey, go and spend time with them. If the players in the budget item case would have asked some good questions and checked the answers, an informed decision could have been reached efficiently without wasting time and eroding trust in one another.
2. Teach your employees how to listen. Listening is a means, not an end, but it still requires skill to do it well so the process of listening is transparent and the emphasis is on content. The Golden Rule we’ve so often been taught, “Do unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You,” isn’t applicable for listening. Instead, it is “Listen to Others as They Want to Be Heard.”
3. Listen for and monitor the level of organizational entropy. Redundancies, employee and customer turnover, re-dos, too many/too few people copied on memos, active rumor mill, and pipeline inconsistency, are all indicators of disorder that’s already entrenched and doing great harm. One role of a leader is to observe the horizon for signs of emerging entropy, and act swiftly to gain control.
Good listening is an energy-saver and a productivity enabler.
Listening Lessons from a String Sextet
Recently, I attended a masterful performance given by six members of the University of Colorado music faculty. I was fortunate to be right in the center of the first row, with no obstructions to block my rapt attention.
During their performance I observed many lessons on listening that we can apply at work, home, school—anywhere that depends upon our ability to perform at our best.
Transferable musical lessons:
Know the score
Musicians: Each musician practiced over and over until they knew every note, sign, and sound. They knew the piece cold so they could concentrate on playing together.
Application for the workplace: When we understand the context, people, expectations and our own knowledge, we can concentrate on what’s being said.
Allow for different voices
Musicians: There were six musicians with a range of experience, techniques and interpretations of the music as well as three different instruments with individual sounds. At various times one of the instruments might be most prominently featured, while the others play to support that stronger voice.
Application for the workplace: There are usually several people in an interchange, each with something to say. Turn-taking is crucial to allow for individuals to share a point-of-view or data that is vital to others. No one person should monopolize an interaction, which will drown out others who might have highly valuable information to add.
Follow different leaders
Musicians: My friend Lina Bahn, first violinist, explained that leadership among musicians in this sextet is interchangeable as there’s no conductor, First violinist’s part is usually more demanding than second violin, but all are equally important. Responsibility is shared by everyone and determined by the music.
Application for the workplace: Sharing the platform is not always easy, especially when we have something we deem important to say. However, understanding that leadership is not a positional right, but an earned platform, allows for the problem or the situation to guide what is said and by whom.
Connect with one another
Musicians: There’s a lot of body language being “spoken” among the members of the sextet. Eyebrows raise, heads nod, bodies sway, and legs move, all actions that encourage fellow-musicians to engage and stay focused. The audience is part of the performance, too. The sextet is energized by applause and appropriate body language (though humming along is not appreciated), so the audience and the performers feed off one another.
Application for the workplace: We learn to read one another’s signals when we’re face-to-face. Emailing will not relay all information that is required to collaborate and make fully understood decisions. Our listening habits are developed in our brain, body and emotions that emerge during interactions. Strive to establish a co-created interaction where it’s a give-and-give (not take) among all communicators.
Acknowledge strengths
Musicians: Because I was watching so closely and at an ideal vantage point, I noticed that when one musician played a particularly demanding passage, a couple of the others smiled slightly or leaned their body and instrument towards their colleague in recognition of work done well. When I asked Lina about that she said acknowledgement of a musical idea is highly valued and greatly appreciated. The musicians can’t miss a beat, so the interaction has to be subtle and brief.
Application for the workplace: Even the smallest recognition makes a difference to people. Listening to someone and saying, “Thanks for making your points in a clear manner” or “I appreciate that you had to learn new software in record time” or even a smile, will probably make that person’s day and will increase the likelihood that behavior will be repeated.
Honor silence
Musicians: A brief period of silence with its own place and quality, is as important as sound. The musicians, briefly at rest, are poised, expectant and ready to resume their “conversation.”
Application for the workplace: Moments of silence give people the chance to think and not feel obligated to fill the space with unnecessary sound. The gift of silence is golden.
Focus on the present
Musicians: More than anything, the success of the sextet comes from their ability to stay focused. But on what—the score, one another, their instruments, the audience, physical comfort? Yes to all, but without losing concentration. They are on alert for what matters, split second by split second.
Application for the workplace: Giving full attention to a single task or person, unequivocally increases the likelihood that the fewer mistakes will be made. When we let go of the myth that we can multi-task and replace it with the knowledge that we can single-task, our listening proficiency will increase.
Whatever the context, consider how you can behave with the same degree of commitment, focus and respect as a sextet whose every performance relies on well-honed listening mastery.
Listening Skills Strategies—Case #3 Tips for Interacting with a Problem-Solving Listener
Brad will probably fare fine in his new group because of homophily: the notion that people like similar kinds of people and things. He’s an IT person who will be surrounded by others like him. The fact that he presses for details and data will be familiar and appreciated, so he will know how to listen to his colleagues and they will know how to listen to him.
But, the head of HR calls Marge for advice because she can already tell it will be challenging to get Brad to listen to her. “He’s no different from the other IT folks, and he’s a right fit for us, but since he speaks so highly of you, I’d be most grateful for any advice you can give me.” As an Inner-Personal Listener Marge asks for a day to put her thoughts together. Finally, the next day she sends these tips:
- Brad cares most about getting something right. He doesn’t need to be right; as a matter of fact, he’s very good at dispassionately examining an issue, but he does need to get to a right answer. So, tell him what you are following in his line of thinking, ask him how he got there, and be very open in your line of questioning—no drilling allowed. And above all, come prepared with facts or he’ll ignore you.
- Speaking of ignoring you. I learned that when Brad’s paying attention he’ll take a posture like Rodin’s The Thinker. But, when he stops listening, he physically cuts away, maybe by writing, looking at something/someone else, rifling through papers. He rarely looks people in the eye, even when he’s paying attention. He does signal attention by nodding or pointing his finger in agreement.
- Stay away from feelings. Brad will sacrifice a worthwhile discussion if it gets too personal or emotional. He once told me that feelings are better left at home.
- It’s also possible that Brad will either linger too long on his search for the perfect amount of data, thus creating analysis paralysis, or he’ll take precipitive action in his desire to move on. Either way, he can be impatient. So, I learned early on to set the stage for our interactions by asking him what he wants, why, and what I could do to satisfy his needs. Then, during our interaction, I’d ask if he was getting what he wanted.
- Most of all, I’d say you’ll never go wrong offering him coffee, he drinks a lot of it throughout the day, with a heaping plateful of data and facts.
Listening Skills Strategies—Case #1 The Inner-Personal Listener
It’s so refreshing to get emails and Linked In comments from people who agree that we all have individual listening styles. I still haven’t completely cracked the nut on acceptance that the term Active Listening is both a misnomer and misleading, but one mental model shift at a time.
Individualized listening styles lead us to conclude that each person must develop strategies to be able to adapt to others with different listening preferences.
Remember the Golden Rule of Listening: Listen to others as they want to be heard.
While our goal at Listening Impact is to help people do just that, it takes learning, time and practice to be an agile listener. One way to understand different listening styles and to develop strategies to listen to anyone is to use the case study method.
I’ve written four cases, one for each of the four different listening styles surfaced in Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio®. Please read the case and weigh in with your thoughts about how to help others adapt to the case-study person with the particular listening style.
The Case:
Marge is a very well defined and practiced Inner-Personal Listener. She’s manager of Cyber Security, an increasingly important job. She pays close attention to people who relate their message to what she’s interested in and knows, and who don’t dwell on feelings.
Marge is considered in the office to be quiet and introspective. Colleagues who make presentations to her don’t expect a lot of questions during an interaction, but they are usually pleased to hear from Marge afterwards when she shares very good feedback, especially about how their information relates to what Marge is working on or responsible for. She’s also generous with her knowledge and willingly shares it with colleagues, most often one-to-one.
Alas, Marge recently got a new boss, Rick. She will be one of Rick’s five direct reports. He came from the outside, so they’re all strangers. Therefore, Rick is meeting with the staff to get to know them personally, figure out their work styles, hear issues and ideas, and determine how to create a cohesive team.
What 2-3 pieces of advice do you have for Rick as he prepares for his hour with Marge? Rick and Marge want to start off their relationship on the right footing
I’ll chime in with my advice on the next post.
Listening Skills and Emotional and General Intelligence
A new study by Aron K. Barbey out of the Beckman Institute for Advanced Science and Technology at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign, and published in Social Cognitive & Affective Neuroscience, has made some interesting discoveries about emotional intelligence and general intelligence. In the article, “The study found significant overlap between general intelligence and emotional intelligence, both in terms of behavior and in the brain. Higher scores on general intelligence tests corresponded significantly with higher performance on measures of emotional intelligence, and many of the same brain regions were found to be important to both.”
The article, published online at R & D Magazine (http://www.rdmag.com/news/2013/01/researchers-map-emotional-intelligence-brain), continues, “The new findings will help scientists and clinicians understand and respond to brain injuries in their patients, Barbey says, but the results also are of broader interest because they illustrate the interdependence of general and emotional intelligence in the healthy mind.”
Barbey also states, “Intelligence, to a large extent, does depend on basic cognitive abilities, like attention and perception and memory and language…But it also depends on interacting with other people. We’re fundamentally social beings and our understanding not only involves basic cognitive abilities but also involves productively applying those abilities to social situations so that we can navigate the social world and understand others.”
We find this discovery of how important it is for us to be able to connect to others a notable outcome; another essential reason to improve our listening acuity.
Follow the link above to the article to learn more, and then share your thoughts with us. We’d love to hear your insightful comments.
What is a Resolution Anyway?
Today, January 2, I’ve received at least a dozen emails about New Year’s Resolutions. Some are from people I know who have listed their personal promises, then shared them with others who seem to be in support of the intentions. Others eschew resolutions therefore letting themselves off the hook. And the majority send platitudes that are more about the receiver, me in this case, than the sender, e.g. “spend more time with you in 2013, collaborate on projects, see your novel in “print.”
But, I do appreciate that there’s something about the start of a new year that stimulates a sense of wanting to begin anew. It’s a chance to examine what you’d really hope to accomplish, and that’s how we often end up with a list of resolutions, wishes, goals, intentions…
That’s the easy part. I’ve been using Lose It, an app that tracks the calories I eat and exercise I do to monitor progress towards losing seven pounds. It’s fun, easy and encouraging. I’m sure there’s a similar app called New Year’s Resolutions.
As I said, the easy part is creating resolutions, realistic ones, including milestones. The challenge is to follow through so the resolutions, pounds, wishes, goals are accomplished.
Resolutions are achieved by replacing old, non-productive habits with new, better ones.
I’ve repeatedly said in these posts that, habits are developed in our brains, bodies, and emotions. So, if you want 2013 to be different than in previous years, you have to establish and practice different habits. And, to my knowledge, there’s no app other than you, for that.
When people take Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio® and we debrief the results, I ask if their profile fits their professional needs and wants. They often say something is missing, but aren’t sure what or why.. When we can answer that, we begin to re-program their habits.
For example, people often say they interrupt. They know interrupting others works against relationships, decision-making, and innovation; but they can’t seem to resist the urge to butt in to add their thoughts or information. They might have something of value to say, but they’ve got to learn to wait for a more appropriate time in the interaction.
These interrupters can re-program that habit. They can make notes while others are talking so their focus remains on the speakers, or they can jot down concerns, ideas or questions about the content, and address that later, after the speakers are finished. They can practice a gradual build of silence. I have people play a little game with themselves,—How long can you be silent? They begin with not saying a word (facial expressions are fine as long as they’re not distracting), and someone else times them to determine how long before they talk, especially when they interrupt. Eventually they change focus from sound to silence, which redirects their focus and reduces the need to interrupt. .
Fortunately, there are many techniques available to introduce new, more productive habits to achieve goals. If one doesn’t hit the sweet spot, we try another.
Ask yourself, what is one big resolution for 2013 that will satisfy several needs. Then examine which habits need to be re-programmed, and finally, try on techniques until you find ones that work. Then the big one, practice, practice, practice.